Why Am I Afraid?

Why am I so worried about what is to come or what might be? Will I ever be able to control my path of success? It seems as though the road blocks come at you with lightening speed and you are left there paralyzed with fear. The unknown awaits you and you keep crossing these broken bridges and it seems as though you should just stop where you stand and push no further. You hold on to all the hope and cling to the very memories you have that are sufficient for life. But it's not good enough. Steady fighting to make a difference and create the change you were meant to bring...Struggling with life, gasping for air and feeling the heavy weight upon your chest. You are desperate to fly free but there are so many things holding you back...You can't let go, you WON'T let go because you fear...you fear being alone. How can you cross that road alone? How can you do what needs to be done standing ALONE? And then you realize, you are NOT alone. There is a higher power beckoning you to let go...to breathe, to exhale because it is okay. It will be okay. You can finally face your fears because you realize the only thing holding you back is YOU. So you let go of what was... all fear, pain, strife, worry, nonsense, regret, despair...nothing is left except FAITH. This is your moment to be who you said you would be and what that higher power is expecting you to become. The fear of heart and mind is removed and you can think clearly about your future. So WHY AM I AFRAID? I'm not...I'm ready.

Why I Smile....

 I'm known for being the chick that is ALWAYS smiling. And when I say smiling, I mean cheesing from ear to ear for no apparent reason. Honestly, I have heard so many times how goofy I am, how I bring so much joy to the room, how my aura is so full of life and energy. So it surprises me when people ask me why I smile so much, why am I so HAPPY? I mean, would you rather me walk around and be a bitter black woman? Isn't that the black women stereotype anyways? That we are all angry, mean, bitter, and want to see everyone around us, especially our men, miserable?? First off, I REFUSE to misrepresent black women that way. I know that we are STRONG, INDEPENDENT, NO NONSENSE type of women but we are also nurturing, instinctive, & complicated.

However, none of this is really about color. My happiness has nothing to do with my race. I have joy on the inside and it shows on the outside. Some may say I'm being sneaky...it's always a possibility, but I wouldn't put money on that if I were you. I enjoy the simple things in life. Here are some of the reasons why I smile. (This list could be a mile long so I'll keep it short!)

I smile because I am love
I smile because people love me
I smile because the birds sing in perfect harmony and never seem to miss a beat
I smile because I have hope that it will be contagious
I smile because I love to see other people smiling
I smile because there are ppl out there who feel they have nothing to smile about & I want to prove them wrong
I smile because God gave me lips, what else am I supposed to do?
I smile because I'm blessed and highly favored
I smile because it's the universal language
I smile because I make a difference in peoples' lives
I smile when things go wrong and when things go right

No matter what the occasion, 90% of the time you're going to see me smiling. It's hard for me sometimes to put on my serious face but of course I have one!! I don't want to be unhappy, I want to live as thought there is truly nothing but pure joy in my heart. So when you see me smiling, instead of asking why are you smiling, ask "how can I feel the joy you feel?"

Something to Keep you Going

Strength

Every pain you've caused me, has only made me stronger
Every tear I've cried, could have been held a little longer
My dreams tell me the words that you always keep inside
They explain to me the feelings that you've always tried to hide
I know what you mean about being patient for my goal
But I also understand I can't keep my life on hold
My will and determination has caused my soul to weep
So at night I pray for more than just my soul to keep
My sanity is at bay, and I'm lost on what to do
So now I realize for me to win, I have to lose you too
Not forever, I know, cuz we'll always remain close friends
Not because I like you, but because i'll love you til the end
You tell me to harness things that were probably meant to be
But how can I harness feelings that have already been set free
I admit you give me courage, courage I never had
But I'm afraid that my courage, has only made me sad
I smile on the outside, knowing this is all just a test
Feeling stunned on the inside, 'cause I know I have the best
I say HAVE 'cause you're mine without a shadow of a doubt
And even though you see her, I know what it's about
I need you as my friend, and there's no way around it
I needed guidance in my life, and now I've finally found it
So yes I can hold out, and wait a little longer
'Cause the anger you've given me has only made me STRONGER

(Poem By Nikimodo)

Thoughts

My inner thoughts can't heal
what my mind and body won't feel
The memories and pains of yesterday
have been lost by the tranquil of today
The need to be loved and held at night
being caressed and soothed under the moonlight
I want someone close, who knows my every desire
someone who knows when I'm mad, how to rekindle my fire
The trust that my lust won't cause me to be blue
that when it rains,it pours,and you'll know I'm missing you
At this point in time my mind is no longer willing to play games
for every time I'm loving you, you'll only hear one name
I'm ready to settle down and get this relationship right
no longer being unsure who you'll be holding tight
So give me the comfort that you'll always be there
and when you wake up at night, I'll be playing with your hair
Kissing your sweet lips and caressing your yellow skin
All of this will happen when you're ready to be more than a friend

(Poem by Nikimodo)

Staying focused on what you WANT to do...

Ok, So we've ALL had this issue. We never know when we're coming or going and it seems that there is no hope to completing our dreams, goals, and aspirations...

Before I even get started, ask yourself these questions. "How BADLY do I want what I strive for? How often am I willing to PREPARE for this thing? If I fail at first, will I have the passion to keep going?"

If your answers were along the lines of "Not that bad, once a week, & no," you might want to pursue something else.... ANYWAYS

No one wants to run around like a chicken with his head cut off. It's not fun, it's kinda depressing, and others will notice your lack of organization. Why? Because you're not getting very far! People often say all the things they want to do but can't seem to get started. So HOW can you get started? I'll tell you...

1) Write down your goals, what you want to do. You wanna be a model, lawyer, astronaut, travel, etc. You NEED to write it down. If you don't have something to physically look at and reference your goals to, you will lose sight of what's REALLY important! It also helps to see what you want to give you the encouragement you need to actually move forward with your goals.

2)Believe in yourself! I can't stress this enough. You literally need to take every ounce of energy you have and put into your work (at least 90%) If you're not putting in energy and you're sulking around saying "I think I can" then that's EXACTLY how others will view you. They will say "I think she can do it" because that's how you carry yourself! Dedicate your time and energy to being a better YOU! Believe that you will be a doctor, lawyer, etc. Believe that you will travel to exotic places because that's what you were meant to do. There are people who were carrying themselves a certain way before they even became successful! Act like a model, think like a model, BE a model! It's that simple.

3)Research your avenue.People often ask me "Well, I want to become a model but I don't know how." *I only reference modeling because I can relate easily =-)* As with any job or career, you should ALWAYS research what you're getting yourself into to make sure this is what you wanna do. You need to know the commitments, time, and energy your avenue will require. You don't want to get yourself into something you're not ready for. Most avenues require some form of education so RESEARCH and find out what you need. Nothing ever just falls into your lap. You have to be PREPARED for that moment. With technology at an all time high these days, there's no reason for you to find all the hot spots in the area and not be able to acquire information about your career. There are so many blogs, books, websites, etc. dedicated to your specific avenue. All you need to do is FIND IT! Some people might give you some inside tips, but most people are gonna EXPECT you to do your own research before approaching their company about a job. That's life.

4) DO IT! What are you waiting for?? Why are we still hearing about how you wanna become a rapper one of these days....? Talking means nothing but action is everything! If you want to cross a river, find a boat and DO IT! The more you talk and do nothing, the more uninterested you become. Crazy huh? You start doubting yourself when you don't do something but no one is holding you back BUT YOU! Take life by the horns and do what needs to be done. And the only way you'll find out if you don't like something is if you do it, right? Yea, I thought so.

When we become more focused in our endeavors, a much needed change comes about us. Life starts to just fall into place. That job you wanted, it will come. That house or car you couldn't afford before, it's starting to become in your reach. Stay focused and I promise that your hard work will not go unseen. So smile and work hard!! You deserve it!

Why cant I be HAPPY?

Idk! Why can't you be happy? What's stopping you from having joy deep in your heart? Why are you so miserable? Are you the type of person that when someone says "smile" you say "what's there to smile about?" Well I would say nothing with that type of attitude! Many a time we hold ourselves back from succeeding and it's our own fault! We never really BELIEVE we can be happy so we accept the inevitable. But that's not how it's supposed to be. We should be living in abundance with joy in our heart so what is keeping you from discovering that joy? Well, I have a few suggestions for you...

1.Count your blessings
I know things may seem a little harder than normal, I know that you can be under so much stress you feel like giving up. You have looked to the left and you have looked to the right but now it's time to look up! Stop worrying over all your problems and start thinking about the things that you are grateful for! If you need to, MAKE A LIST. You don't believe you're blessed? Everything is a blessing. The ability to walk, the ability to talk, your health, people who love you, your determination, your children, your life as a whole! Notice how I didn't mention anything about material things, huh? That's because material things are a luxury. Your car, your job, that new Louis purse, whatever the case may be... you may or may not have these things readily available to you but if you do, be thankful. You never know how the next person is living.

2. Look at the people who surround you.
Who are your friends? Your colleagues? Your associates? Mentors? These groups of people have a GREAT significance in your life whether it be positive or negative. People have the ability to influence you and you want to make sure you're surrounding yourself with the BEST people possible. People that want to uplift, motivate, and encourage you to be a better you. And ever if they aren't physically saying these things to you, you should be able to LOOK at them and be inspired to be better. Lose the gossipers, the people who are always complaining about their situation, their health, themselves in general. These people only bring you further down then you already were. Are these REALLY the type of people you want to be around. Stop settling because you "grew up with them." That's great! Now GROW UP and make a difference. Stop waiting for the confirmation from "them." Who are THEY? No one if they're not making a positive impact on your life. ;-)

3.Bless OTHERS
So you've realized your blessings, you've changed your circle, now it's time BE A ROLE MODEL. The best way to realize your own blessings is by blessing others! This is not optional, this is MANDATORY to realize your full potential. This is the key to opening your heart and letting love overflow to others. Get out in your community, tutor, mentor, run for a cause GIVE BACK. This is also a great way to network and add the right people to your circle. See how all of these things are tying together? Awareness.

You are what you make yourself out to be. It doesn't matter what anyone says to you, your happiness comes from within. So find yourself, your joy, and meet me at the top! ;-) <3

*nikimodo*